its not raining.

but something's bothering me.
im not happy.
could it be cos of the start of tennis season?
all the pressure? anticipation? hype?
could it be that senior year is lingering around the corner?
i dont get good mornings or good nights anymore.
no more texts that set the mood of my day.
my phone doesnt ring or vibrate as much anymore.
nobody's telling me anything anymore.
nobody's talking to me anymore.
and if they do they sugar-coat it and tell you half of it or nothing at all.
then there's CAPS and ?!'s.
hmmm.
and it may seem like i give short answers.
but only cos i know that there's something im not being told of.
and it really does bother/worry me.
then people think they should stop talking to me.
and leave me hanging even more.

i dont feel like anybody's trying.. to do anything.
maybe im not as wanted.
or i never was.
im lost at where i am right now.
im lost within myself.
i've lost myself.



people ask. you give. you ask. nothing in return.
you ask and ask and ask cos you care.
they dont give it cos they dont care (?)

im really confused.


just have to walk around acting like im fine.
cos i have nothing to fix.
i'd do something if i did.
but i dont
so i just have to wait.
im really hoping it'll come.