last day of winterbreak 08

i slept at 2 am in the morning with thoughts running wild in my head.
as i lay on my bed for 1-2 full hours, i think to myself of how things feel.. better.
it's hard for me to explain, but i guess i'll be the only one to really know the feeling.
it's sort of being content with the mixture of being hopeful and happy and excited and optimistic.
i could really literally look back at the past and turn away from those pages in my life because i see a future with potential. the past has passed.
to think that i feel happier now, and i feel ready to accomplish things (although i still havent started the book tht i was supposed to read over the break and finish by tomorrow), it's taken a load of my back.
last night, i was awakened by what could be in store for me, for the better.
and it's like "finally!".

i learned alot about someone, and through that, i also learned alot about myself.
all the confusion over what and how i really am, the insecurities and fear of failure and things similar to it seemed to be blown away from my thoughts as i had a very long, productive conversation with who i can consider as one of the better individuals i've come across. HUUUUUUUUM

im already lucky to have friends like kelvin, jamie, phillip, tim, brandon, joseph and jomar as "brothers" to keep close since it really is "bros before hoes" haha. i know i can go to them and talk to them about anything.
although brandon is sometimes too gay to talk to especially about serious stuff, he's probably someone i'd look up to school-wise cos hes able to be a fucking smart ass korean while being a stud in basketball.
too bad he isnt as good as me haha.
i can talk to kelvin, but the fact that he doesn't have game scares me a bit and hinders me from asking him from advice LOL.
but other than them, the other guys are really easy to talk to.
i've found it hard to find friends that you'd really call as a friend. yaknow? but they've made it so much easier for me to consider them my friends. haha! yeah i love them. no homo though. maybe a little.

but on a serious note, that conversation i had with you was different.
cos i felt comfortable once again. and every second that passes by, you just seem to prove to me that i can stand you haha.
- not playuh status.
- but you have playuh credits haha.
- not immature
- pays attention, listens, and somehow shows effort.
- doesnt think too much, but also doesnt think too little.
- easy to talk to
- uhh..for the lack of better words, comfortable.
- and it seems like you wont push me around and stuff!

and you hmmmmm. yes.
yes indeed.
yes.
not maybe.
not "not really".
not "idk".
yeaaaaah i do.
and you make it so easy for me to change my mind so quick.



yes, i see that things do get better.
but patience is a virtue.
although it's the last day of winterbreak, it's been the greatest by far.
i've been wanting change.
and here it is.
thanks to all my friends.
thanks to my family.
thank you kobe.
thanks tawnya.
thankth to my bethfriend monique for nothing, but soon enough there will be something.
thanks God.

and jamie comes home today :]